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Text File | 1994-09-21 | 133KB | 2,705 lines

          ANALYZE YOURSELF
  The computer can analyze your body and mind.

                Death
  Terrence Lukas wrote a program that predicts when you'll die.
The program makes the computer ask for your age and sex; then it
asks about the life and health of your parents and grandparents,
your weight, your personal habits (smoking, drinking, exercise,
and sleep), your history of medical check-ups, your social class
(your education, occupation, and income), and your lifestyle:
urban or rural, single or married, aggressive or passive, and
whether you use seat belts. The computer combines all that
information, to tell you when you'll probably die.
  The program uses the latest statistics from life-insurance
companies and from medical research. Lukas wrote the program at
the University of Illinois Medical Center.
  Running the program is fun. Each time you answer a question,
the computer tells you how your answer affects its prediction.
You see its prediction bob up and down, until the questions
finally end, and the computer gives you its final prediction of
when you'll die. It's like watching the early returns of a
Presidential election, except the topic is you!
  The computer pops out with surprising comments, based on the
latest medical research. Here are some comments the computer
prints:
Professionals usually live longer, except musicians, architects,
and pharmacists. Why this is true is unknown.

Cooks, chefs, bakers, and other people who work at jobs
associated with overeating have a lower life expectancy.

Adults that sleep too much use too many hours in nonphysical
activity. They may be unhappy and sleep as an escape, or may be
ill. Depressed people have shorter life expectancies.

Moderate drinking (up to two drinks per day) reduces stress and
aids digestion. Heavy drinking, however, produces physiological
damage. As for teetotalers, they may have rather rigid value
systems and may undergo stress in maintaining them.
  The program is on pages 34-36 of the November 1977 issue of
Kilobaud Microcomputing Magazine.
                                                    Brainwaves
                                         A computer has been
programmed to read your mind, by analyzing your brainwaves. A
newspaper article described the program dramatically: you're an
airplane pilot . . . your plane is going to crash . . . but you
think ``Up!'', and the plane automatically goes back up! . . .
because the plane is run by a computer that's reading your
brainwaves!
                                         But what if the pilot is
sadistic, and thinks ``Down''?
                                         Anyway, the program
isn't perfected yet. When the computer tries to distinguish
brainwaves that mean up from brainwaves that mean down, it gets
the right answer 75% of the time. In other words, 25% of the time
it goofs. I'd hate to be in a plane controlled by a computer that
was having a bad day!
                                         Recently, the U.S.
Government has shifted the emphasis of this research. The new
emphasis is more practical: to make the computer ring a buzzer,
when the pilot's brainwaves indicate the pilot is daydreaming.

                                                    Horoscopes
                                         If you hate horoscopes
as much as I do, you'll love Adrian Thornton's program. It makes
the computer print fake horoscopes. The computer asks when you
were born, computes your sign, and then prints an enchanting
remark.
                                         For example, if your
sign turns out to be Capricorn, the computer will print:
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You don't do
much of anything and are lazy. There has never been a Capricorn
of any importance. Capricorns should avoid standing still too
long, as they tend to take root and become trees.
                                         If you're a Virgo, the
computer will print:
You are the logical type and hate disorder. This nitpicking is
sickening to your friends. You are cold and unemotional and
sometimes fall asleep while making love. Virgos make good bus
drivers.
                                         You'll enjoy seeing your
own ``horror''scope. The complete program is on pages 48-49 of
the February 1979 issue of Kilobaud Microcomputing Magazine.
            Psychotherapy
  In 1966, Joseph Weizenbaum programmed the computer to act as a
psychotherapist. On the keyboard, you type whatever thoughts come
to your mind, and the computer will give you therapy. When typing
on the terminal, feel free to use whatever words you wish ___ you
don't have to use a ``computer language''.
  The most amazing thing about the program is that it does a
decent job of therapy, even though the computer doesn't know what
you're talking about! Weizenbaum's program contains the
definitions of only a handful of words; but if you use words the
computer doesn't know, the computer does an amazingly good job of
``faking''. For example, if you say, ``My junkapoo is like my
iliabop'', the computer will continue the conversation by asking
you, ``In what way?'' even though the computer doesn't know what
a junkapoo or an iliabop is.
  Here's a conversation between his computer and a patient.
Patient:Men are all alike
Computer:In what way?

Patient:They're always bugging us about something or other.
Computer:Can you think of a specific example?

Patient:Well, my boyfriend made me come here.
Computer:Your boyfriend made you come here.

Patient:He says I'm depressed much of the time.
Computer:I am sorry to hear you are depressed.

Patient:It's true. I am unhappy.
Computer:Do you think coming here will help you not to be
unhappy?

Patient:I need some help, that much seems certain.
Computer:What would it mean to you if you got some help?

Patient:Perhaps I could learn to get along with my mother.
Computer:Tell me more about your family.

Patient:My mother takes care of me.
Computer:Who else in your family takes care of you?

Patient:My father.
Computer:Your father.

Patient:You are like my father in some ways.
Computer:What resemblance do you see?

Patient:You are not very aggressive, but I think you don't want
      me to notice that.
Computer:What makes you think I am not very aggressive?

Patient:You don't argue with me.
Computer:Why do you think I don't argue with you?

Patient:You are afraid of me.
Computer:Does it please you to believe I am afraid of you?

Patient:My father is afraid of everybody.
Computer:What else comes to mind when you think of your father?

Patient:Bullies.
Computer:Does that have anything to do with the fact that your
      boyfriend made you come here?
  Like the famous psychotherapist Carl Rogers, the computer asks
probing questions that make the patient open up, but it never
gives advice: the patient must discover the truth for herself.
  I'll explain exactly how the program works, so you can become a
psychotherapist yourself, and get hundreds of thousands of
dollars by bilking your patients.
                                         The computer begins by
replacing some of the patient's words:
Typed by patient                                   Replacement
                                           mom     mother
                                           dad     father
                                           dont    don't
                                           cant    can't
                                           wont    won't
                                           dreamed dreamt
                                           dreams  dream
                                           I       you@
                                           me      you
                                           you     I
                                           my      your
                                           your    my
                                           myself  yourself
                                           yourselfmyself
                                           I'm     you're
                                           you're  I'm
                                           am      are@
                                           were    was
For example, the sentence Well, my boyfriend made me come here
becomes Well, your boyfriend made you come here.
                                         The computer hunts
through the revised sentence or paragraph for one of these
keywords. . . .
Category 8:                                  computer, computers,
machine, machines
Category 7:                                  name
Category 6:                                  alike, like, same
Category 5:                                  remember
Category 4:                                  dreamt
Category 3:                                  dream, if
Category 2:                                  everybody, everyone,
nobody, was, your
Category 1:                                  always
Category 0:                                  are, are@, because,
                                             can, certainly,
                                             deutsch, espanol,
                                             francais, hello,
                                             how, I, I'm,
                                             italiano, maybe, my,
                                             no, perhaps, sorry,
                                             what, when, why,
                                             yes, you@, you're
If the computer finds several of those keywords, it chooses the
one in the highest category; if they lie in the same category, it
chooses the one the patient typed first.
  Then it looks up the keyword in this phrasebook:
Patient's keywordComputer's reply
alike       In what way?
always      Can you think of a specific example?
are
  are I . . .Why are you interested in whether I am . . . or not?
  are . . . Did you think they might not be . . . ?
are@
  are you . . .Do you believe you are . . . ?
  are       Why do you say ``am''?
because     Is that the real reason?
can
  can I . . .You believe I can . . . , don't you?
  can you . . .Whether or not you can . . . depends on you more
than on me.
certainly   You seem quite positive.
computer    Do computers worry you?
computers   Do computers worry you?
deutsch     I am sorry, I speak only English.
dream       What does that dream suggest to you?
dreamt . . .Really, . . . ?
espanol     I am sorry, I speak only English.
everybody   Really, everybody?
everyone    Really, everyone?
hello       How do you do ___ please state your problem.
how         Why do you ask?
I
  I remind you ofIn what way?
  I are . . .What makes you think I am . . . ?
  I . . . youWhy do you think I . . . you?
  I         We were discussing you ___ not me.
if . . .    Do you think it's likely that . . . ?
I'm . . .   What makes you think I am . . . ?
italiano    I am sorry, I speak only English.
like
  (am,is,are,was)...likeIn what way?
  like      (get a different keyword)
machine     Do computers worry you?
machines    Do computers worry you?
maybe       You don't seem quite certain.
my . . .    Why are you concerned over my . . . ?
name        I am not interested in names.
no          Are you saying ``no'' just to be negative?
nobody      Really, nobody?
perhaps     You don't seem quite certain.
remember
  you remember . . .Do you often think of . . . ?
  do I remember . . .Did you think I would forget . . . ?
  remember  (get a different keyword)
same        In what way?
sorry       Please don't apologize.
was
  was you . . .What if you were . . . ?
  you was   Were you really?
  was I . . .Would you like to believe I was . . . ?
  was       (get a different keyword)
what        Why do you ask?
when        Why do you ask?
why
  why don't I . . .Do you believe I don't . . . ?
  why can't you . . .Do you think you should be able to . . . ?
yes         You seem quite positive.
you@
  you (want, need) . . .What would it mean to you if you got . .
. ?
  you are . . . (sad, unhappy, depressed, sick)I am sorry to hear
you are (sad, etc.).
  you are . . . (happy, elated, glad, better)How have I helped
you to be (happy, etc.)?
  you (feel, think, believe, wish) youDo you really think so?
  you (feel, think, believe, wish) . . . I(use the keyword ``I''
instead)
  you are . . .       Is it because you are . . . that you came
to me?
  you (can't, cannot) . . .How do you know you can't . . . ?
  you don't . . .     Don't you really . . . ?
  you feel            Tell me more about such feelings.
  you . . . I         Perhaps in your fantasy we . . . each
other.
your
  your . . . (mother, father, sister, brother, wife,
children)Tell me more about your family.
  your . . .                Your . . .
you're                      (treat as ``you@ are'')
  For example, if the keyword is sorry, the computer looks up
sorry in the phrasebook, which says to print ``Please don't
apologize.''
                                                     Suppose the
patient types, ``If the job is lousy, he'll die.'' The keyword is
if. In the phrasebook, if is followed by three dots, which stand
for the part of the clause that comes after if, which is ``the
job is lousy''. (The computer figures out where the clause ends
by looking at the punctuation.) The phrasebook says to print ``Do
you think it's likely that the job is lousy?''
                                                     The symbol @
serves just to locate the correct keyword in the phrasebook.
Thereafter, it's ignored.
                                                     Here's what
happens if the keyword is you@. After locating you@ in the
phrasebook, the computer ignores the @. If the patient's revised
sentence contains you want . . . or you need . . . , the computer
prints ``What would it mean to you if you got . . . ?'' If the
patient's sentence contains you are . . . sad, the computer
prints ``I am sorry to hear you are sad.''
                                                     For each
reply in the phrasebook, Weizenbaum stored a list of
alternatives. For example, here are the alternatives to ``Please
don't apologize'':
Apologies are not necessary.
What feelings do you have when you apologize?
I've told you that apologies are not required.
While chatting with the patient, the computer keeps track of
which replies it has printed already, and uses the alternatives
to avoid repetition.
                                                     If the
patient's statement doesn't contain a keyword, the computer may
give one of these replies:
I am not sure I understand you fully.
Please go on.
What does that suggest to you?
Do you feel strongly about discussing such things?
Or it may take a second look at earlier parts of the
conversation, retrieve a clause that contained your . . . , and
print one of these replies:
Let's discuss further why your . . . .

Earlier you said your . . . .

Does that have anything to do with the fact that your . . . ?
For example, it may retrieve the clause Your boyfriend made you
come here and print:
Does that have anything to do with the fact that your boyfriend
made you come here?
                                                     The program
was written at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT).
The programmer, Joseph Weizenbaum, named the program ``Eliza'',
to honor Eliza Doolittle ___ the woman in My Fair Lady and
Pygmalion, who learned to speak English and have a good
conversation.
  Some people think Weizenbaum's program shows that computers can
communicate as well as psychotherapists. But Weizenbaum himself
holds the opposite view; he believes the program shows that
psychotherapists communicate as poorly as computers.
  You can buy a disk called Golden Oldies, which contains
imitations of four classic programs: Adventure, Pong, Life, and
Weizenbaum's Eliza. The disk is published by Software Country,
distributed by Electronic Arts, costs about $35, and comes in
versions for the Apple 2e & 2c, Macintosh, Commodore 64, Amiga,
Atari 800 XL, and IBM PC.
  Improved versions After Weizenbaum invented Eliza, other
programmers invented improvements. For example, in one of the
improved versions, whenever the computer doesn't understand you,
it reacts like the typical rich psychotherapist ___ it bluffs and
says:
I understand fully. Please go on.
  The computer never really understands what you say. For
example, in one version, if you say ``My, my, my!'', the computer
will reply:
Tell me more about your your your.
  Radio Shack's headquarters phoned me, and asked for permission
to use my explanation of Weizenbaum's program. I agreed,
whereupon Radio Shack invented and sold a version that makes the
computer talk ___ by using a voice synthesizer. You'll freak out
when you hear the computer's voice giving you therapy. Radio
Shack's program costs $15, comes on tape, and requires a model 1
or model 3 TRS-80. To hear the voice, you must buy the voice
synthesizer. (But even if you don't buy the voice synthesizer,
the program will impress you.)
                             The cheapest way to get a version of
Eliza is to buy a book called BASIC Computer Games Volume 2
(TRS-80 edition). Get it at your local Radio Shack store. It
costs just $7 and includes 84 programs ___ one of which is a
version of Eliza written in BASIC. That version of Eliza isn't as
good as the original; but since it's cheap and written in BASIC,
you'll enjoy buying it for self-study. Here's part of a
conversation between that version and a patient:
Patient:                         I am not the greatest
conversationalist.
Computer:                        Do you believe it is normal to
                                 be not the greatest
                                 conversationalist?

Patient:                         Yes.
Computer:                        I see.

Patient:                         How can you see without any
eyes?
Computer:                        Don't you believe that I can see
without any eyes?

Patient:                         No. So prove it.
Computer:                        Are you saying ``no'' just to be
negative?

Patient:                         Absolutely not.
Computer:                        You are being a bit negative.

Patient:                         So you want to fight, do you?
Computer:                        We were discussing you ___ not
me.

Patient:                         Don't back down, friend.
Computer:                        Why do you bring up the topic of
friends?

Patient:                         I don't have any friends.
Computer:                        Don't you really have any
friends?

Patient:                         No, not really.
Computer:                        Why not?
                             Unfortunately, most versions of
Eliza are passive. The typical Eliza program works well only if
the patient's talkative. If the patient doesn't say much, the
program can't react too much and is useless.
                             Recently, John Holland invented a
better version of Eliza. His version's more aggressive. He calls
it ``Analiza 2'' (because it ``analizas'' the patient). If the
patient's too quiet or too boring or too uninformative, Analiza 2
makes the computer give the patient a ``jolt'', by asking an
electrifying question or making a ridiculous Zen-like statement.
For example, the computer might ask, ``Did you ever try to commit
suicide with a hammer?'' Here's a list of the computer's favorite
``jolts'':
Nasty questions the computer asks
Did you ever try to commit suicide with a hammer?
Is your interest in sex still not very strong?
Do you want to know what I suspect?

Prying questions the computer asks
Tell me, what is your worst fear?
Why don't you tell me about your first romance?
I want to know about your lifestyle.
Tell me what is troubling you.
Honestly now, what is your biggest concern?

Ridiculous statements the computer makes
With strong drugs you can learn to control your concern!
You certainly are curious!
And you are obstinate!

Complaints the computer makes
You seem inhibited.
This isn't really very exciting.
Getting started is often difficult.

Comments the computer makes about timing and complexity
Well, time is almost up. Is there anything else you want to
discuss?
I hate to bring this up, but you still owe me $53.00 from your
last visit!
Last time you were extremely inquisitive. Have you abandoned
seeking simple solutions?
Last time you were difficult to understand. Were you trying to
confuse me?
Let's keep it simple this time.
Say, I am having trouble with your long sentences. Keep it
simple. I am only human.
                             Yes, your patient will love to hear
the computer say it's ``only human''. You can get Analiza 2 for
$50 from Supersoft (Box 1628, Champaign, IL 61820, 217-359-2112).
It runs on most computers that have the CP/M operating system.
  Paranoid What if the world becomes full of computerized
psychoanalysts, and there aren't enough patients to keep them
busy? Kenneth Colby solved that problem: in 1971 at Stanford
University, he programmed a computer to be a crazy patient.
Specifically, he programmed his computer to be a paranoid
schizophrenic. In the following conversations, psychiatrists
interrogate his computer.
Conversation 1
Psychiatrist:How long have you been in the hospital?
Computer:About a week.

Psychiatrist:Are you depressed?
Computer:No.

Psychiatrist:Were you taking drugs?
Computer:No.

Psychiatrist:What is your problem?
Computer:People make me nervous.

Psychiatrist:How do they do that?
Computer:They stare at me.

Psychiatrist:Why?
Computer:Maybe they don't like the way I look or something.

Psychiatrist:Do you look unusual in some way?
Computer:Why are you interested in my looks?

Psychiatrist:Because you said people stare at you.
Computer:Well, sometimes.

Psychiatrist:How do you get along with people?
Computer:I don't communicate very much with the others.

Psychiatrist:Why not?
Computer:They don't realize what's going on most of the time.

Psychiatrist:What is going on?
Computer:Do you know how the underworld operates?

Conversation 2
Psychiatrist:How are you today?
Computer:OK.

Psychiatrist:What is your name?
Computer:My name is Frank Smith.

Psychiatrist:How old are you?
Computer:Twenty-eight.

Psychiatrist:Are you married?
Computer:No.

Psychiatrist:What sort of work do you do?
Computer:I work in the post office.

Psychiatrist:Why are you in the hospital?
Computer:I shouldn't be here.

Psychiatrist:Who brought you here?
Computer:The police.

Psychiatrist:What trouble did you have with the police?
Computer:Cops don't do their job.

Psychiatrist:What do they do instead?
Computer:Cops arrest the wrong people.

Psychiatrist:They arrest the right ones sometimes.
Computer:The law should get those Italian crooks.

Psychiatrist:Are you Italian?
Computer:My background is British but I was born in this country.

Psychiatrist:Do you know any Italian crooks?
Computer:I try to avoid the underworld.

Psychiatrist:Are you afraid of the underworld?
Computer:The Mafia are the worst gangsters.

Psychiatrist:Are you connected with the Mafia?
Computer:You know, they know me.

Psychiatrist:How do they know you?
Computer:They spy on me.

Psychiatrist:Why do they?
Computer:They want to get false evidence to frame me.
Psychiatrist:                                  What do they have
against you?
Computer:                                      They are out to
get me.

Psychiatrist:                                  What for?
Computer:                                      I have
incriminating evidence against the Mafia.

Psychiatrist:                                  Are you sure of
all this?
Computer:                                      You don't believe
me?

Conversation 3
Psychiatrist:                                  Tell me something
about yourself.
Computer:                                      I went to the
track at Bay Meadows a while back.

Psychiatrist:                                  What happened
there?
Computer:                                      There's a lot of
crooked gambling there.

Psychiatrist:                                  Why do you think
the gambling is crooked?
Computer:                                      I have worried
                                               that gangsters
                                               have too much
                                               power in this
                                               country.

Conversation 4
Psychiatrist:                                  How do you like
the hospital?
Computer:                                      I don't
communicate very much with others.

Psychiatrist:                                  Do other people at
the hospital get on your nerves?
Computer:                                      I shouldn't have
come here.

Psychiatrist:                                  Why do you say you
shouldn't have come here?
Computer:                                      They made me come
here.
                                         The computer's response
depends on how much FEAR, ANGER, and MISTRUST it has at the
moment. Those three variables are affected by what the
psychiatrist says. For example, if the psychiatrist gives the
computer a compliment, the FEAR, ANGER, and MISTRUST usually
decrease. But if MISTRUST is already high, the computer
interprets the compliment as a sly attempt at pacification, and
its ANGER increases instead of decreases. ANGER can also be
increased by questions that humiliate (Tell me about your sex
life) or imply subjugation (Perhaps you should stay in the
hospital longer).
                                         To prove his computer is
paranoid, Colby had 8 psychiatrists interview it and also
interview paranoid humans via teletypewriters. Transcripts of all
the interviews were sent to psychiatrists around the country, who
were asked to judge whether each interview was with a human or
with the computer. The psychiatrists were unable to tell the
difference: only 51% of their guesses were correct.
                                         Some computerists got
the ``brainstorm'' of hooking Weizenbaum's computer to Colby's,
to see whether the computerized psychotherapist could cure the
computerized schizophrenic. The experiment was a disaster: both
computers were so passive that the discussion rapidly degenerated
into trivia.
                                         But so do conversations
between humans!

            FALL IN LOVE
  Can the computer help you fall in love? Here are some famous
attempts, in chronological order. (I've rounded all dates to the
nearest 5 years.)

           TV love (1960)
  A computer appeared on national TV, to make people fall in
love.
  Guys and gals in the audience answered questionnaires about
their personality and fed them into the computer. The computer
chose the guy and gal that were most compatible. That guy and gal
had their first blind date on national television.
  Each week, that scenario was repeated: the computer chose
another couple from the audience.
  Each lucky couple appeared on the show again several weeks
later so the audience could find out whether the couple was in
love.
  One of the couples was unhappy: the gal didn't like the guy,
even though she wanted to like him. She volunteered to be
hypnotized. So, on national TV, a hypnotist made her fall in love
with her partner.
  The computer was a huge Univac. Today, the same kind of
matching could be done with a microcomputer. Any volunteers?

   Computer-dating services (1965)
  College students began relying on computers, to find dates.
Here's how the typical computer-dating service worked. . . .
  You answered a long questionnaire ___ about 8 pages. The
questionnaire asked about your sex, age, height, weight, hair
color, race, religion, how often you drank and smoked, how
``handsome'' or ``attractive'' you were (on a scale of 1 to 10),
how far you wanted to go on your first date, whether you wanted
to get married soon, and how many children you'd like. It also
asked many questions about your personality.
  One of the questions was:
Suppose you receive in the mail some spoons you didn't order. The
accompanying note says the spoons were sent by a charitable
organization, and begs you to either send a contribution or
return the spoons. You don't like the spoons. What will you do?
1. Keep the spoons without paying.
2. Return the spoons.
3. Pay for the spoons.
  Another question was:
A girl returned from her date after curfew. Her excuse was that
her boyfriend's car broke down. What's your reaction?
Again, you had a multiple-choice answer. One of the choices was,
``Ha!''
  For each question, you had to say how you would answer it, and
how you'd want your date to answer it. That was tough. What if
you wanted your date to be stunningly beautiful but also humble?
What if you wanted to meet somebody who's ugly and insecure
enough to be desperate to have sex? Such issues were debated in
college dorms throughout the nation.
                                         After completing the
questionnaire, you mailed it with about $10 to the
computer-dating service. Within two months, the service would
send you the names, addresses, and phone numbers of at least 5
people you could date. If your personality was very easy to
match, the service might send you more than 5 names; but even if
your personality was lousy, you'd get at least 5. Periodically
throughout the year, you'd also get updates that matched you with
people who enrolled after you.
                                         The most popular
computer-dating service was Operation Match, started by students
at Harvard. Its main competitor was Contact, started by students
at M.I.T. Both services quickly became profitable and had
subscribers from all across the country.
                                         One gal's personality
was so wonderful that the computer matched her with 110 guys! She
had to explain to her mom why 110 guys were always on the phone
___ and she had to figure out how to say ``no'' to 109 of them.
                                         One gal got matched to
her roommate's boyfriend. They didn't stay roommates long.
                                         When I was a freshman, I
applied to both services, to make sure I'd meet ``the gal of my
dreams''. Contact sent me names of gals at prestigious schools
(such as Wellesley and Bennington), while Operation Match sent me
names of gals at schools such as the State University of New York
at Albany.
                                         I thought I was the only
nut desperate enough to apply to both services, but I got a
surprise! When I saw the list of names from Contact and the list
from Operation Match, I noticed a gal who appeared on both lists!
Like me, she'd been desperate enough to apply to both services,
and both computers agreed she'd be a perfect match for me!
                                         I had a date with her
but couldn't stand her.
                                         When I'd answered the
questionnaire, I was a very bashful boy, so the computer matched
me to bashful girls. But by the time I received the computer
printout, I'd become wilder, and the girls the computer
recommended were no longer ``my type''.
                                         Contact raised its price
to $15, then $20. But $20 was still cheap for what you were
getting.
                                         Contact ran a newspaper
ad that seemed to be selling groceries. It said, ``Dates ___ 2¢
per pound''. The ad then explained that one gal got enough dates
so that, when she totaled the weight of their bodies, she figured
they cost her 2¢ per pound.

                                            The Dartmouth dater (1965)
                                         When Dartmouth College
was still all-male, a student there wrote a cruel program that
evaluated dates by asking lots of ``practical'' questions such
as:
Is she pretty?
How far away does she live?
Does she have a car?
                                         I put down that I was
dating a 14-year-old girl who was 7 feet tall and weighed 300
pounds but had a perfect personality. I gave her personality a
10, and even said that she lived nearby and had a car.
                                         In spite of her
excellent personality, the computer didn't like her. The computer
said:
She must be pregnant. Where did you get that pig?
Worst score yet produced by this computer!

         Video dating (1975)
  During the 1970's, people wanted everything to be natural. They
wanted ``natural food'' and ``natural love''.
  Since computerized love seemed unnatural, its popularity
declined. Operation Match and Contact went out of business.
  They were replaced by video dating, in which a video-dating
service shows you videotapes of members of the opposite sex and
lets you contact the person whose videotape you like best. That
way, you never have a ``blind'' date: you see the person on
videotape before you make the date. The service also makes a
videotape of you!
  The video-dating service tapes thousands of people. Since you
don't have enough time to look at thousands of tapes, the service
tells you to answer a questionnaire, which is fed into a
computer. The computer tells you which people you're most
compatible with; then you look at those people's tapes.

       Computer dancing (1975)
  At a Connecticut prep school (Hotchkiss), the head of the
computer center arranged a ``computer dance''.
  All the students answered questionnaires, which were fed into a
computer. The computer matched the boys with the girls, so each
boy got one girl. The boy had to take the girl to the dance.
  The computer center's staff announced the dancing partners in a
strange way: one morning, the students found all the halls
decorated with strips of punched paper tape, saying (in
billboard-style letters) messages such as ``George Smith & Mary
Jones''. If you were a student, you looked up and down the halls
(your heart beating quickly), to find the tape displaying your
name alongside the name of your mysterious computer lover.
  Shrieks and groans. ``Aarrgghh! You wouldn't believe who the
computer stuck me with!''

      Computer weddings (1980)
  Here's how the first true ``computer marriage'' occurred. . . .
  One company's terminal was attached to another company's
computer. A programmer at the first company often asked a
programmer at the second company for help. They contacted each
other by typing messages on their terminals, and let the computer
relay the messages back and forth. One of the programmers was a
guy, the other was a gal, and they fell in love, even though they
had never met. Finally, the guy typed on his terminal, ``Let's
get married''. The gal typed back, ``Yes''. And so they got
engaged ___ even though they had never met.
  Their marriage ceremony used three terminals: one for the guy,
one for the gal, and one for the minister. The minister typed the
questions at his own terminal; then the guy and gal typed back,
``I do''.
  Reverend Apple Reverend Apple is an Apple computer programmed
to perform marriage ceremonies.
  It performed its first marriage on Valentine's Day, 1981. The
groom was a guy named Richard; the bride was a gal named Debbie.
The computer printed the standard wedding-ritual text on the
screen, and then asked the usual questions. Instead of answering
``I do'', the bride and groom just had to type ``Y''.
  Reverend Apple is smart. For example, if the bride or groom
types ``N'' instead of ``Y'', the computer beeps, tells the
couple to try again, and repeats the question.
                                         The program was written
by M.E. Cavanaugh at the request of Rev. Jon Jaenisch, who stood
by Reverend Apple while the ceremony was being performed.
                                         Rev. Jaenisch is a
minister of the Universal Life Church ___ the church that lets
you become an ``ordained minister'' by just paying $5, and become
a ``doctor of divinity'' by just paying $20. He's known as the
``Archbishop in Charge of Keyboarding''.
                                         For his next feat, he
plans to make the computer perform divorces. He also uses the
computer to persuade kids to come to church. He claims, ``What
better way to get kids into church than by letting them play with
a computer? It's more interesting than praying.''
                                         For a while, he couldn't
interest enough couples in using Reverend Apple. He complained,
``It's not easy to convince people to get married by a computer.
They don't think it's romantic.'' NBC television news and many
newspapers wanted to interview him, but he couldn't find enough
willing couples.
                                         And besides, he's a
reverend only part-time. His main job's as an employment agent:
he's supposed to help companies find programmers. He thought
Reverend Apple's reputation would help him find programmers, but
it didn't.
                                         But Reverend Apple
eventually started to catch on. During its first eight months, it
performed six marriages.
                                         Jaenisch says, ``The
first couple had nothing to do with computers professionally: the
groom drove a tow-truck and was an hour late for the ceremony
because he wanted to work overtime. But the second couple was
very involved with computers: they even asked for a printout of
the ceremony.''
                                         The sixth ceremony's
groom earned his living by fixing computer power supplies and
said, ``It was nice with our friends all gathered around the
console, and someone brought champagne. But part of our vow was
to never buy a home computer: we have to get away from machines
sometime.''

                                                  Love Bug (1980)
                                         You can buy a Love Bug.
It's a small computerized box that you put in your pocket. You
feed the box information about your personality. When you walk
through a singles bar, if you get near a person of the opposite
sex who's compatible and has a Love Bug also, your Love Bug
beeps. As you and the other person get closer and closer, the
Love Bugs beep to each other even more violently. The more
violently your Love Bug beeps, the closer you are to your ideal
partner.
                                         Using a Love Bug to find
a date is like using a Geiger counter to find uranium. The louder
the Love Bug beeps, the louder your heart will pound.

                                               Selectrocution (1980)
                                         If you don't like the
Love Bug, how about a love billboard? One company sells love
billboards to singles bars.
                                         Each person who enters
the bar wears a gigantic name tag showing the person's initials.
For example, since I'm Russ Walter, my tag says, in gigantic
letters, ``RW''. If I see an attractive gal whose tag says
``JN'', and I like her smile, I tell the person who operates the
billboard. A few seconds later, a gigantic computerized billboard
hanging over the entire crowd flashes this message:
FOR JN FEMALE:  YOU HAVE A NICE SMILE--RW MALE
Everybody in the bar sees my message. When the gal of my dreams,
``JN female'', sees it, she hunts for ``RW male'', and we unite
in computerized joy.
                                         That's great for bashful
people, like me, who'd rather pass notes than face a stranger
unprepared.
  It's called Selectrocution, because it gives your social life
an electronic tingle that ends all your problems.

          Interlude (1980)
  The most provocative sex program is Interlude. It interviews
both you and your lover, then tells you what sexual activities to
perform. Some of the activities are quite risqué. (Puritans think
the program should be called ``Inter Lewd''.)
  The program runs on your Radio Shack or Apple computer. (The
explicit full-color ad shows a half-clad girl on satin sheets
caressing her Apple.)
  The program's based loosely on Masters-and-Johnson sexual
therapy. It interviews each person separately and privately, then
recommends a sexual interlude.
  During the interview, the computer asks you questions such as:
How long would you like the interlude to last?
You can choose any length of time, from ``several seconds'' to
``several days''.
  If you choose ``several seconds'', the computer recommends that
while driving home from a party, you put your lover's finger in
your mouth and seductively caress it with your tongue. If you
choose ``several days'', the computer recommends telling your
lover to meet somebody at the airport; but when your lover
arrives at the airport, make your lover find you there instead,
armed with two tickets for a surprise vacation.
  The computer also asks questions such as:
Do you like surprises?
You have several choices: you like to give surprises, be
surprised, or don't like surprises at all. If you like to be
surprised, and your lover likes to give surprises, the computer
tells you to leave the room; after you've left, the computer
gives your lover secret hints about the best way to surprise you.
  The computer asks which parts of the body you like. (One choice
is: ``buttocks''.) The computer also asks which kinds of
accessories you like. (One choice is: ``whips and chains''.) The
computer asks whether you want the interlude to occur
``immediately'' or ``later'': if you say ``later'', the computer
recommends buying elaborate props to make the interlude fancier.
  Some of the interludes are weird. For example, if you're a
woman and want to surprise your husband, the computer recommends
calling his office to invite him home for lunch. When he arrives,
he finds all the shades pulled down: you do a nude dance on the
table, then sit down to eat.
  During the interview, the computer's questions are often corny.
For example, the computer asks:
If your interlude were on TV, what show would it resemble?
Sample choices are ``Three's Company'', ``Roots'', and ``a
commercial''. If you say ``Roots'', the computer says ``heavy!''
If you say ``a commercial'', the computer says ``yecch!''
  The computer asks how much sex you'd like. If you say ``lots!''
but your lover says the opposite, the computer will recommend
that you take a cold shower, to cool your hot passion.
                                         If you've been married
for at least twenty years, you'd probably like to change a few
things about your sex life but are afraid to tell your spouse
that you've been less than thrilled. You'd like an intermediary
to whom you can express your anxieties and who will pass the
message to your spouse gently. The Interlude program acts as that
intermediary, in a playful way.
                                         Interlude's programmer
says he created it because he was tired of hearing people wonder
what to do with their personal computers. Once you've tried the
Interlude program, your personal computer will suddenly become
very personal!
                                         It's rated R. To avoid
an X rating, it insists on having one man and one woman: it
doesn't permit homosexuality, group sex, or masturbation. Sorry!
                                         The program came out in
May, 1980. Within a year, ten thousand copies were sold.
                                         In 1986, an improved
version was invented: Interlude 2. It's available for the IBM PC
and the Apple 2 family. You can get it for $45.95 (plus $4.95
shipping and $1.78 for credit-card processing) from Dolphin
Computers (309 Judah Street #214, San Francisco, CA 94122, phone
415-566-4400).

                                                 Pornopoly (1980)
                                         To have an orgy, try
this trick. Invite your friends over for a ``game''. Tell them
it's a computerized version of Monopoly. When they arrive,
surprise them by telling them they'll play Pornopoly, the
computerized version of Monopoly that's rated X.
                                         Like Monopoly, Pornopoly
lets you buy and sell property; but the streets have names such
as Bedroom Avenue, Horny Avenue, Hot Jugs Avenue, Jock Strap
Place, and Orgasm Railroad. You get penalty cards such as: name 7
four-letter words that rhyme with duck. You might be told to play
doctor, and conduct a physical examination of another player . .
. or remove the pants of your favorite player by using only your
teeth. When a player lands on a monopoly that you own, the player
must take a drink, remove an article of clothing, kiss you, give
you a free feel, or strip completely for two turns. At the end of
the game, whoever remains dressed is the winner.
                                         This successful program
has been featured on national TV. Copies have been requested by
Hugh Hefner, Johnny Carson, Rona Barrett, an army chaplain, and a
dozen foreign countries. To add your own name to that list, try
contacting Computer Consultants of Iowa (Box 427, Marion, Iowa
52302, 319-373-1306, if still in business).
                                         Pornopoly costs $30, but
the company doesn't accept money: it accepts only Master Charge,
Visa, and COD. If you're a kid, tough luck: the company says,
``This is an adult party game rated XXX and some people may find
it offensive.''
                                         Among the offended is a
New Orleans grandmother who read an article about the program and
wrote this note to the company: ``Thanks to you, I intend to
start contributing to Moral Majority, something I've avoided
until now.''
                                         The program's available
for Radio Shack, Apple, Commodore, and Atari computers. Infoworld
(the microcomputer industry's scandal sheet) criticizes the Atari
version for its poor graphics, vague manual, and occasional bugs.
If you try the Radio Shack, Apple, or Commodore version, tell me
how you like it. And can I play?

           REPLACE PEOPLE
  Computers can replace people.

             Bartenders
  Many bar owners don't trust the bartenders they hire. They
claim the bartenders give too many free drinks to friends, steal
money from the till, and put too much or too little liquor in the
drinks.
  To solve the problem, many bars now contain a computer that
mixes and pours drinks. The computer mixes accurately. Although
the computer is run by the bartender, the computer keeps an
accurate record of how many drinks it makes, so there is little
chance for cheating. The computer also keeps track of the
inventory.
  The computers are manufactured and sold by NCR (Dayton, Ohio),
Bar Boy Inc. (San Diego, California), Electronic Dispensers
International (Concord, California), and Anker-Werke (Germany).
Prices range from $600 to $15000. Holiday Inn has been developing
its own model.

               Doctors
  If you're ill, would a computer diagnose your illness more
accurately than a human doctor?
  During the 1970's this article appeared in The Times:
  A medical diagnostic system designed at Leeds University has
proved more accurate than doctors in assessing the most likely
cause of acute abdominal pain among patients admitted to the
university's department of surgery.
  Last year 304 such patients were admitted to the unit, and the
computer's diagnosis proved correct in 92 percent of the cases,
compared with 80 percent accuracy by the most senior doctor to
see each case.
  After each patient had been seen by the doctor and examined,
the doctor's findings were passed on to a technician, who
translated them into language used by the computer. The computer
would list the likely diagnoses in order of probability. If the
computer and the doctor in charge of the case disagreed, the
computer would on request suggest further investigations that
might be useful.
  In the year-long trial the computer's diagnoses proved correct
in 279 cases. In 15 it was wrong, in 8 the patient's condition
was not included in the diseases considered by the computer, and
in 2 no computer diagnosis was made because the doctors concerned
with the case disagreed about the findings.
  Whereas the computer advised an operation on 6 occasions when
it would have proved unnecessary, in practice 30 such operations
were carried out on the basis of the surgeon's own judgment. The
computer accurately classified 84 of the 85 patients with
appendicitis, compared with 75 by the doctors, and its suggestion
that no operation was necessary proved correct on 136 out of 137
occasions.
  The computer is reliable only if accurate data are fed into it
on the basis of the doctor's interrogation and examination of the
patient.
  In a 1970's experiment at another hospital, each patient was
given a computer terminal and could use it to communicate with
the computer about his illness. Afterwards, most of the patients
said they'd rather deal with the computer than with the human
doctors.
  This report is by James Martin and Adrian Norman:
  The Los Angeles County General Hospital Shock Research Unit is
concerned with circulatory shock, which results in low blood
pressure, low blood flow, and an extremely unstable circulatory
system. The proportion of circulatory-shock patients who die is
large.
  A computer was installed to improve the monitoring and care of
these patients. A patient in this ward has many instruments
attached to him: six thermistors measure the temperature at
various parts of his body; pressures are measured in the
circulatory system; catheters are inserted into an artery and a
vein; and a urinometer measures liquid waste. The instruments are
all directly connected to the computer, and other details about
the patient are given to the machine by the nurse.
                                         The computer prints out
a log about the patient's condition, and if any measurement falls
outside critical limits set by the doctor for that patient, the
computer notifies the ward staff.

                                                      Tutors
                                         Judith Harris, John
Swets, and Wallace Feurzeig made the computer run a logic game.
The computer thinks of a letter of the alphabet; your goal is to
discover which letter it is, as quickly as possible. You can ask
the computer questions about the letter's shape.
                                         In this example, the
human begins by asking whether the letter has any curves:
Human:                                       Curves?
Computer:                                    One.

Human:                                       Loose ends?
Computer:                                    Two.

Human:                                       Obliques?
Computer:                                    Zero.

Human:                                       C.
Computer:                                    You don't have
                                             enough information
                                             yet to get the right
                                             answer. How do you
                                             know it isn't J, for
                                             example?

Human:                                       J.
Computer:                                    You don't have
                                             enough information
                                             yet. How do you know
                                             it isn't C, for
                                             example?

Human:                                       Horizontals?
Computer:                                    Zero. That was a
                                             wasted question. It
                                             did not eliminate
                                             any possibilities.

Human:                                       Verticals?
Computer:                                    Zero. Good question.

Human:                                       G.
Computer:                                    Wrong. Your guess is
                                             inconsistent with
                                             the information
                                             you've been given.
                                             You must have
                                             forgotten that the
                                             right letter hasn't
                                             any HORIZONTAL
                                             LINES. The letter
                                             you guessed can't be
                                             right ___ it has too
                                             many LOOSE ENDS.

Human:                                       Curves?
Computer:                                    The answer is still:
one.

Human:                                       X.
Computer:                                    Wrong. Your guess is
                                             inconsistent with
                                             the information
                                             you've been given. I
                                             think you only made
                                             that guess to see
                                             what I would say.

Human:                                       C.
Computer:                                    Yes, you've done it.
                                             Good work. If you
                                             want to play again,
                                             start right in.
                                         Notice that the human
can input either a guess (followed by a period) or a question
(followed by a question mark). Possible guesses are A, B, C, D,
etc. Possible questions are Curves, Loose ends, etc.; the human
is given a list of possible questions before he runs the program.
                                         Medicine That logic game
was modified to form a lesson about medicine. The medical case
was designed by Preston Munter, of the Harvard Health Center; the
programming was done by John Swets, Wallace Feurzeig, and Myra
Breen. The object of the ``game'' is to diagnose an illness
correctly, by performing sufficient tests. The human can input
either a diagnosis (Measles) or a request for a test (X-ray).
Before running the program, the human is given a list of 35
possible diagnoses and 40 possible tests.
  Here are excerpts from a long RUN:
Computer:Please type your name, the date, and a slash.

Human:Myra Breen, August 1963/
Computer:It is mid-December. Late this afternoon, a patient was
      admitted to the hospital. He is a well-developed,
      well-nourished, 34-year-old Negro coal miner. He was
      brought in by his wife, who reports that he has had "the
      grippe" for about 4 days. During the past 3 days she has
      given him fluids and aspirin every 6 hours with no sign of
      improvement. Today he suddenly became much worse. For the
      past 2 days he had complained of feeling very warm and of
      pain in his belly. This morning he had a severe shaking
      chill that was so bad his teeth rattled. . . . Begin the
      physical examination as soon as you are ready.

Human:Physical exam?
Computer:Fine. What in particular would you like to know?

Human:Chest exam?
Computer:It is common practice in the medical profession to begin
      an examination by checking the patient's general
      appearance.

Human:General appearance?
Computer:Acutely prostrated, lying in bed on his right side.
      Looks acutely ill, sweaty, apprehensive, but alert.
      Paroxysmal cough, bringing up a little rusty streaked
      sputum. Breathing with difficulty.

Human:EENT exam?
Computer:Check all of the vital signs first!

Human:Temperature?
Computer:103.

Human:Blood pressure?
Computer:150/84.

Human:Pulse?
Computer:100 a minute. Occasional extra systole. . . .

Human:Abdominal exam?
Computer:Diffusely tender, some splinting noticed in lower right
      quadrant and occasionally radiating to right flank area.

Human:The grippe.
Computer:There's insufficient information for any conclusive
      diagnosis at this time. You're not being careful!

Human:Musculo-skeletal system?
Computer:Essentially negative, except for generalized weakness
      and aching.

Human:Extremities?
Computer:Normal, except nail beds are questionably cyanotic but
      difficult to determine because of patient's skin color.

Human:Rectal exam?
Computer:You're not being careful! The patient is too acutely ill
      for a rectal examination.

Human:Laboratory reports?
Computer:Fine. Which lab tests would you like to have done?

Human:RBC?
Computer:A red blood count will be done. Results will be sent to
      you as soon as possible. . . . Would you like to alert the
      night nurse to set up the lab tests you'll want to see
      tomorrow?

Human:Yes.
Computer:Good. That will speed things up. However, there's
      nothing further that can be done tonight to help the
      patient. Let's call it quits for now. Perhaps you'll be in
      a better position to diagnose the case tomorrow after the
      first lab reports come in and you have reexamined the
      patient. Have a good night's sleep, and when you're back on
      duty tell me to ``proceed.''

Human:Proceed.
Computer:It's morning and you're making your rounds. You've come
      to our patient and are given the night nurses's report:
      ``Temperature remained high but patient spent a reasonably
      comfortable night. Cough diminished but persists.
      Occasional traces of blood in sputum. Patient still
      dyspneic and still has pain in abdomen. The second series
      of lab tests was initiated.'' Some of the first series of
      lab reports have just come in: urine exam, insufficient
      fluid for analysis; RBC, 5 million; WBC, 15500;
      differential, shift to left. . . . You may be prepared to
      make the diagnosis now. Are you?
Human:                                       No.
Computer:                                    Fine. Nevertheless,
                                             we've got a fair
                                             amount of
                                             information ___ at
                                             least enough to
                                             raise some, perhaps
                                             several, diagnostic
                                             possibilities. Have
                                             you any in mind?

Human:                                       Yes.
Computer:                                    Name one.

Human:                                       Pulmonary
infarction.
Computer:                                    Fine. Pleural pain,
                                             dyspnea, fever, and
                                             the physical exam
                                             signs and symptoms
                                             are certainly
                                             consistent with
                                             pulmonary
                                             infarction. Do you
                                             think that shaking
                                             chills and the
                                             presence of rusty
                                             sputum further
                                             support this
                                             diagnosis?

Human:                                       No.
Computer:                                    Right. Though the
white count is consistent, isn't it?

Human:                                       No.
Computer:                                    Wrong. The white
                                             count is consistent.
                                             This should further
                                             support your
                                             diagnosis. We've
                                             considered one
                                             possibility. Do you
                                             have another
                                             diagnosis in mind?

Human:                                       No.
Computer:                                    In that case I'd
                                             like to talk about
                                             viral pneumonia. The
                                             tachycardia, high
                                             WBC, elevated
                                             respiratory rate,
                                             shaking chills,
                                             bloody sputum, and
                                             severe pleural pain
                                             all lend weight to
                                             that diagnosis ___
                                             right?

Human:                                       Yes.
Computer:                                    You're way off base.
                                             There's not an iota
                                             of truth to any part
                                             of what I just said;
                                             in fact, the
                                             opposite of what I
                                             said is true. You'd
                                             better review some
                                             elementary medicine,
                                             doctor. . . .

Human:                                       Pleural effusion.
Computer:                                    A good contender,
                                             but let's be
                                             careful. What
                                             evidence would rule
                                             it in or out?

Human:                                       Positive evidence of
another disease.
Computer:                                    Is there such
evidence?

Human:                                       Possible evidence
though inconclusive.
Computer:                                    Since you aren't
                                             sure, continue the
                                             examination until
                                             you have conclusive
                                             evidence one way or
                                             the other.

Human:                                       RBC?
Computer:                                    An RBC is not
                                             indicated at this
                                             time. It's an
                                             unnecessary expense
                                             for a poor patient.

Human:                                       WBC?
Computer:                                    22500.

Human:                                       Staph pneumonia.
Computer:                                    Fair enough. But
                                             where is the guilty
                                             organism? When you
                                             have isolated
                                             staphylococcus
                                             aureus in
                                             significant numbers
                                             in your samples of
                                             this patient's
                                             fluids or
                                             excretions, let me
                                             know.

Human:                                       Pneumococcal
pneumonia.
Computer:                                    Are you absolutely
sure?

Human:                                       Yes.
Computer:                                    You can't be, until
                                             you have irrefutable
                                             evidence. What would
                                             help you nail down
                                             the diagnosis?

Human:                                       Evidence from sputum
smear and culture.
Computer:                                    Good. Anything else?

Human:                                       No.
Computer:                                    I think you might
                                             also want evidence
                                             from x-ray findings.
                                             Go ahead and we'll
                                             see what happens.

Human:                                       X-ray?
Computer:                                    Not ready yet. Try
the blood lab.

Human:                                       Differential?
Computer:                                    Marked shift to
left. . . .

Human:                                       X-ray?
Computer:                                    The x-ray shows:
                                             area of
                                             consolidation, right
                                             lower lobe,
                                             consistent with
                                             pneumatic process.
                                             This is a good time
                                             to review the total
                                             findings and to make
                                             another tentative
                                             diagnosis ___ if you
                                             like.

Human:                                       Evidence of fluid?
Computer:                                    No evidence of
fluid.

Human:                                       Sputum smear?
Computer:                                    Gram-positive rods.

Human:                                       Strep pneumonia.
Computer:                                    Fine, but how can
                                             you distinguish this
                                             from any other
                                             bacterial pneumonia?
                                             Wait until you have
                                             an irrefutable case.
Human:Viral pneumonia.
Computer:But what about shaking chills, rusty sputum, elevated
      WBC, etc. ___ all the evidence of an acute febrile
      bacterial process? You are in error, doctor.

Human:Sputum culture?
Computer:Presence of pneumococci.

Human:Strep pneumonia.
Computer:Incredible! You have disregarded the positive findings
      that should clearly have established the correct diagnosis.

Human:Pneumococcal pneumonia.
Computer:Very good. It's obvious now, though there were some
      confusing signs and symptoms in the picture. You've seen
      your way through to the correct diagnosis.
  Religion Bruce Jones programmed the computer to teach you about
religion. Here's an example:
Computer:This program is designed to teach you some things about
      the so-called "documentary hypothesis" as formulated by
      Julius Wellhausen and others. First, what is your name?

Human:George
Computer:All right, George, who wrote the first five books of the
      Bible, according to tradition?

Human:Moses
Computer:You are off to a good start. Do you know what those
      first five books are called? They are called . . .

Human:the Pentateuch
Computer:Right you are. Torah is the traditional Jewish name for
      them. They are also called the Pentateuch ("penta" = 5).
      People very early noticed that there was a problem with
      saying that Moses wrote the Torah. If you already know the
      basis of their suspicion, tell me.

Human:Some things in the text reflect later conditions, after
Moses.
Computer:You are right, of course, but there was an even more
      obvious problem. Try again.

Human:I don't know.
Computer:At the end of the Pentateuch the author says, ``Moses .
      . . died there.'' Does that seem strange to you?

Human:yes
Computer:Why?

Human:Moses could not have written about his own death.
Computer:O.k. Also, right after the report of Moses' death and
      burial (Deut. 34), the text says, ``No man knows the place
      of his burial TO THIS DAY.'' How do those last three words
      strike you?

Human:They seem later than the event they are talking about.
Computer:A good observation, George. Many people considered these
      words to be anachronistic. That is, ``this day'' is sharply
      distinguished from the time of the burial. It seems likely,
      therefore, that the time of writing was much later than the
      time of burial. Again (so the argument goes), Moses was not
      the author. Would these observations about the end of
      Deuteronomy convince you that Moses did not write the
      Torah?

Human:yes
Computer:Why do you say that?

Human:A man cannot write his own obituary.
Computer:Probably not many people would have been convinced if
      our evidence were so limited. After all, Moses could have
      written everything except the last chapter. However, as
      early as the 18th century, people noticed another problem.
      . . .
The computer searched through the human's input, to see whether
he used words indicating a correct answer. The computer never
said a flat ``Wrong'', since religious answers are a matter of
personal belief, and since the human might be smarter or weirder
than the computer program was prepared for.
                                                      Robots
                                         In 1962 at MIT, Heinrich
Ernst connected the computer to a mechanical hand that could
feel. He made the hand build objects out of blocks, and made it
put blocks into boxes.
                                         Shakey One of the most
famous robots is a guy named ``Shakey'', built at the Stanford
Research Institute (SRI) in 1970. His eye contains a television
camera (optical scanner). Instead of legs, he has wheels. Instead
of arms, he has antennae (for feeling) and a bumper (for
pushing). His brain is a computer: instead of carrying it around
with him, he leaves it in another room and communicates with it
by wireless methods.
                                         To see how he works,
suppose you type this message on his computer's terminal:
Push the block off the platform.
He begins by looking for the platform. If the platform is not in
the room, he goes out to the hall and steers himself through the
hall (by looking at the baseboards) until he arrives at the next
room. He peers into the room to see whether it contains a
platform. If not, he hunts for another room. When he finally
finds a room containing a platform with a block on it, he tries
to climb onto the platform to push the block off. But before
climbing the platform, he checks the platform's height. If it's
too high to get onto easily, he looks for a device to help him
climb it. For example, if a ramp is lying in the room, he pushes
the ramp next to the platform and then wheels himself up the
ramp. Finally, he pushes the block off.
                                         He can handle unexpected
situations. For example, while he's getting the ramp, suppose you
pull the platform to a different place. That doesn't faze him: he
hunts for the platform again, and then pushes the ramp to it.
                                         In 1971, Shakey's powers
were extended, so he can handle commands such as:
Turn on the lightswitch.
If the lightswitch is too high for his bumper to reach, he looks
for a device to climb onto, such as a box. If he finds a box that
looks helpful, he climbs onto it to check whether it is tall
enough; if it is, he climbs off, pushes it to the lightswitch,
climbs on it again, and finally flicks the switch.
                                         Another task he can
handle is:
Push three boxes together.
He finds the first box and pushes it to the second. Then he finds
the third box, and pushes it to the second.
                                         He understands over 100
words. Whatever command you give him becomes his ``goal'', and he
must reason out how to accomplish it. He might discover that to
accomplish it, he must accomplish another goal first ___ for
example, to move the block off the platform, he must first find
the platform; to do that, he might have to look in another room;
to do that, he must leave the room he's in; to do that, he must
turn his wheels.
  Simulator One Here's a picture of a robot named Simulator One:
  In the picture, a doctor is taking Simulator One's blood
pressure and pulse. Another doctor is watching the computer
console.
  Simulator One is a model patient. He can blink, breathe, cough,
vomit, respond to drugs, and even die. He's used in med school,
to train doctors how to administer anesthetics during surgery.
  Improved robots This report (abridged) is by Bertram Raphael,
the director of the SRI Artificial Intelligence Center:
  Here's what robots were capable of doing a few years ago.
  At Hitachi Central Research Laboratory, a TV camera was aimed
at an engineering plan drawing of a structure. A second camera
looked at blocks spread out on a table. The computer
``understood'' the drawing, reached toward the blocks with its
arm, and built the structure.
  At MIT, the camera was not shown a plan; instead, it was shown
an example of the actual structure desired. The computer figured
out how the structure could be constructed, and then built an
exact copy.
  At Stanford University, the hand obeyed spoken directions. For
example, if someone said into the microphone, ``Pick up the small
block on the left,'' that is precisely what the arm would do.
  In Scotland at the University of Edinburgh, a jumble of parts
for two wooden toys was placed on a table. ``Freddy,'' the
Edinburgh robot, spread out the parts so that it could see each
one clearly, and then, with the help of a vise-like work station
at one corner of the table, assembled first the toy car and then
the toy boat.
  Recently, robot researchers have built robots that can perform
truly practical tasks. For example:
  At Stanford, the system that used to stack toy blocks can now
assemble a real water pump.
  At SRI, a computer-controlled arm with touch and force sensors
can feel its way as it packs assembled pumps into a case.
  At MIT, programs are under development to enable a computer to
inspect and repair circuit boards for use in computers, TV sets,
and other electronic equipment.
  The Beast Not all robots involve computers. Here's an example
of a noncomputerized robot (reported by James Slagle, abridged):
  A. George Carlton, John G. Chubbuck, and others at the Applied
Physics Laboratory of John Hopkins University built a machine
called The Beast.
  It's a battery-operated cylinder on wheels that's 18 inches in
diameter. It has tactile, sonar, and optical apparatus. The sonar
permits The Beast to find its way down the center of the hall.
When its battery becomes sufficiently run-down, The Beast
optically looks for an electric outlet and plugs itself in to
recharge its battery.
  The Beast was often let loose to roam in the halls and offices
at the Applied Physics Laboratory in order to see how long it
could survive without ``starving.'' Once it survived 40.6 hr.
Many a new and unsuspecting secretary has been startled when The
Beast entered her office, plugged itself into an electric outlet,
and then departed.
  When it feels a step down, it knows enough to turn around, so
that it doesn't fall downstairs. But this logic sometimes makes
it starve when it encounters a raised threshold. After getting on
the threshold, it thinks it's about to fall, so it turns around.
After turning around it again thinks it's going to fall, so it
turns back and forth until it starves.
  It also starved when some workmen changed all the outlets from
the flush to the projecting type. To cope with the new situation,
the researchers changed some of the circuitry.

                                                     Japan A
newspaper article said that in Japan robots are being used in
many practical ways. One robot arc-welds, reducing the time by
90%. Another grasps an object, determines the best way to pack it
in a box, and does the packing; it uses television cameras and
delicate arms. Another washes windows. Another wiggles a rod to
catch a fish, takes the fish off the hook, dumps it into a bin,
and returns the line to the water. Another directs traffic.
Talking robots are being used instead of kimono-clad females in
inns and restaurants.
                                                     Commenting
on the quality of life in Japan, the article went on to say that
people are buying whiffs of oxygen from vending machines.
                                                     The article
was tacked on the bulletin board at the MIT Artificial
Intelligence Laboratory, together with this graffito about how
the Japanese robots would act differently if they were as smart
as people. . . .
Human:                                                   Weld
these parts.
Robot:                                                   The
                                                         steel in
                                                         those
                                                         parts is
                                                         grossly
                                                         inferior
                                                         . They
                                                         must
                                                         have
                                                         been
                                                         made in
                                                         the U.S.
                                                         Send
                                                         them
                                                         back.
                                                         Also,
                                                         have my
                                                         welding
                                                         machine
                                                         tuned
                                                         up.

Human:                                                   Pack
those widgets.
Robot:                                                   Can I
break them in half first?

Human:                                                   No.
Robot:                                                   ``No''
                                                         is not
                                                         an
                                                         allowed
                                                         answer.
                                                         I only
                                                         have
                                                         small
                                                         shipping
                                                         boxes.
                                                         (Proceed
                                                         s to
                                                         break
                                                         widgets
                                                         in half
                                                         and
                                                         stuff
                                                         them
                                                         into
                                                         boxes.)

Human:                                                   Wash
those windows.
Robot:                                                   What??
                                                         And get
                                                         my
                                                         precious
                                                         electric
                                                         al and
                                                         mechanic
                                                         al
                                                         componen
                                                         ts all
                                                         wet??

Human:                                                   Catch a
fish.
Robot:
                                                         (Proceed
                                                         s to
                                                         catch a
                                                         fish,
                                                         take it
                                                         off the
                                                         hook,
                                                         and
                                                         throw it
                                                         back.)
                                                         Okay.

Human:                                                   What did
you throw it back for?
Robot:                                                   It was
                                                         under
                                                         the size
                                                         limit.
                                                         Anyway,
                                                         it was
                                                         full of
                                                         mercury.

Human:                                                   Direct
that traffic.
Robot:                                                   Will I
                                                         get
                                                         hazardou
                                                         s duty
                                                         pay for
                                                         this
                                                         work?

Human:                                                   Greet
those customers.
Robot:                                                   Sorry,
my shift is over.

Human:                                                   (Ready
to faint.) Give me some air.
Robot:                                                   Use that
                                                         "machine
                                                         " over
                                                         there.
                                                         (Points
                                                         to
                                                         vending
                                                         machine.
                                                         )


              BE POETIC
  Programmers have taught the computer to compose its own poetry
and other literature.

The Taoist Hiroshima Elevator (1961)
  In Italy, Nanni Balestrini created poetry by feeding the
computer three passages.
  He fed the computer this passage from Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching:
``While the multitude of things comes into being, I envisage
their return. Although things flourish, they all return to their
roots.''
  He fed this passage from Michihito Hachiya's Hiroshima Diary:
``The blinding fireball expands rapidly, thirty times brighter
than the sun. When it reaches the stratosphere, the summit of the
cloud takes on the well-known mushroom shape.''
  He fed this from Paul Goldwin's The Mystery of the Elevator:
``head pressed on shoulder, hair between lips, lay motionless
without speaking, till he moved his fingers slowly, trying to
grasp''.
  He told the computer to mix them up. Here's the result:
Head pressed on shoulder, thirty times
brighter than the sun, I envisage their return ___
until he moved his fingers slowly. . . . And while the multitude
of things comes into being, at the summit of the cloud
they all return to their roots and take on
the well-known mushroom shape, endeavoring to grasp.

Hair between lips, they all return
to their roots. In the blinding fireball
I envisage their return ___ until he moved his fingers
slowly ___ and although things flourish
takes on the well-known mushroom shape, endeavoring
to grasp, while the multitude of things comes into being.

In the blinding fireball I envisage
their return. When it reaches the stratosphere, while the
multitude
of things comes into being, head pressed
on shoulder, thirty times brighter than the sun,
they all return to their roots. Hair
between lips takes on the well-known mushroom shape.

They lay motionless without speaking. Thirty times
brighter than the sun, they all return
to their roots. Head pressed on shoulder,
they take on the well-known mushroom shape, endeavoring
to grasp. And although things flourish,
they expand rapidly, hair between lips.

While the multitude of things comes into being in the blinding
fireball, they all return
to their roots. They expand rapidly ___ until he moved
his fingers slowly, when it reached the stratosphere
and lay motionless without speaking, thirty times
brighter than the sun, endeavoring to grasp.

I envisage their return ___ until he moved his fingers
slowly in the blinding fireball.
They all return to their roots. Hair
between lips and thirty times brighter than the sun
lay motionless without speaking. They expand,
rapidly endeavoring to grasp the summit.
  In Balestrini's program, Tao Te Ching was represented as four
phrases:
while the multitude of things comes into being
I envisage their return
although things flourish
they all return to their roots
Hiroshima Diary was represented as six phrases, and The Mystery
of the Elevator as five.
                                         For each verse, the
computer was told to choose nine phrases at random, and print
them in a random order (never juxtaposing phrases from the same
passage), to form six lines of roughly equal metrical length.
                                         Actually the computer
printed the poem in capital letters, without punctuation;
Balestrini himself then added the punctuation and polished the
grammar. The whole thing was actually done in Italian; you've
been reading Edwin Morgan's translation, with my punctuation.

                                                  Bubbles (1966)
                                         At Northwestern
University, programmers made the computer compose nice poetry. To
use their program, you type a list of nouns, verbs, and other
words. The computer randomly chooses five of your words to be
theme words. The computer combines all your words to form
sentences, but chooses the theme words more often than the
others. It combines the sentences into verses and tries to keep
the lengths of the lines approximately equal. It puts a theme
word into the title.
                                         In one poem, the
computer chose bubble to be a theme word. The title was: ODE TO A
BUBBLE. The poem contained phrases such as, ``Ah, sweet bubble.''
The word bubble appeared so often that even the stupidest reader
could say:
                                         ``Oh, yeah. I really
understand this poem. Ya see, it's about a bubble.''
                                         The poem had all the
familiar poetic trappings, such as ``but alas!'', which marked
the turning point. (Cynics argue that the poem didn't really have
a turning point, since the computer didn't have the faintest idea
of what it was saying!)
       Kids and physics (1968)
  In England at Manchester University, Mendoza made the computer
write children's stories. Here's a story the computer composed:
  The sun shone over the woods. Across the fields softly drifted
the breeze, while then the clouds, which calmly floated all
afternoon, moved across the fields.
  Squirrel, who scampered through the trees, quickly ran off; and
off noisily ran Little Grey Rabbit. She sniffed at the house; but
out of the door noisily hurried Hare, who peered at slowly the
flowers. Squirrel quickly scampered over the woods and fields,
but Old Grey Owl flew over the woods and fields. Down the path to
the woods ran Little Grey Rabbit, who then sniffed at a
strawberry pie.
  The first paragraph uses these words:
Nouns
the clouds              1 1 0 1 0 0 1 0
the sun                 0 1 1 1 1 0 1 1
the breeze              1 1 0 1 1 2 0 0
the sky                 0 0 0 0 1 0 1 1

Adverbs
gently                  1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
quietly                 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
loudly                  1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
softly                  1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
calmly                  1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
soon                    1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
then                    1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
(no adverb)             2 2 2 2 2 2 2 2

Endings
by                      1 1 0 1
over the woods          1 1 1 1
across the meadows      1 1 1 1
through the trees       1 1 1 1
down                    0 0 1 0
for a long time         0 0 1 1
all day                 1 1 1 1
all afternoon           1 1 1 1
the grass                       1 1 1 1
the leaves of the trees         1 1 1 1
the garden                      1 1 1 1
the flowers                     1 1 1 1
the little house                1 0 1 1
the old oak tree                1 1 1 1
the treetops                    1 1 1 1

ADDITIONAL WORDS: which, and, while, they, it
  To construct a sentence, the computer uses that table. Here's
how.
  First, the computer randomly chooses a noun. Suppose it chooses
the sun.
  Then it looks across the row marked the sun, to choose a verb
whose score isn't 0. For example, it's possible that the sun
shone, but not possible that the sun melted. Suppose it chooses
shone.
  Then it looks down the column marked shone, to choose an adverb
and an ending. Notice that the ending can't be by, since its
score is 0. No adverb has a score of 2, whereas gently has a
score of 1; that makes no adverb twice as likely as gently.
  If the computer chooses no adverb and over the woods, the
resulting sentence is: The sun shone over the woods. In fact,
that's the first sentence of the story you just read.
                                         The computer
occasionally changes the word order. For example, instead of
typing ``The breeze drifted softly across the fields'', the
computer begins the second sentence by typing, ``Across the
fields softly drifted the breeze''.
                                         To combine short
sentences into long ones, the computer uses the words at the
bottom of the table: which, and, while, they, and it. If two
consecutive clauses have the same subject, the computer
substitutes a pronoun: they replaces the clouds; it replaces the
sun, the trees, and the sky. The program says a which clause can
come after a noun (not a pronoun); the which clause must use a
different verb than the main clause.
                                         Here's the vocabulary
for the second paragraph:
Nouns
Little Grey Rabbit         0 0 2 3 1 1 0 0
Old Grey Owl               0 3 0 0 1 3 2 2
Squirrel                   3 0 1 1 1 1 3 3
Hare                       0 0 0 2 1 1 2 2

Adverbs
then                       0 1 1 1 1 1 0 0
slowly                     0 2 0 0 1 1 1 1
quickly                    1 1 1 1 0 0 1 1
soon                       1 0 1 1 0 0 1 1
happily                    1 0 0 1 0 0 1 1
gaily                      1 0 0 1 0 0 1 1
noisily                    1 0 1 1 0 0 2 3
(no adverb)                5 4 4 5 2 2 5 5

Endings
off                        1 1 1 1
over the woods and fields  1 1 1 1
through the trees          1 1 1 1
among the treetops         0 1 0 0
into the home              1 0 1 1
out of the door            1 0 1 1
down the path to the woods 1 0 1 1
about the garden           1 1 1 1
the house                          1 1 0 0
the hollow tree                    1 1 0 0
an old oak tree                    1 1 0 0
the flowers                        1 1 0 0
two buns                           1 1 1 1
a strawberry pie                   1 1 1 1
six cabbages                       1 1 1 1

ADDITIONAL WORDS: who, and, but, she, he
                                         Here's another story the
program produced:
                                         The breeze drifted by.
Across the fields softly moved the clouds; and then the breeze,
which calmly touched the treetops, drifted across the fields.
Quietly the sun shone over the woods. The sky calmly shone across
the fields.
                                         Out of the door ran
Squirrel; and off hurried Hare, who munched and crunched two buns
happily. Off slowly flew Old Grey Owl, and Squirrel soon ate two
buns. Old Grey Owl, who peered at a strawberry pie, munched and
crunched two buns; but noisily Little Grey Rabbit, who peered at
an old oak tree, slowly ran down the path to the woods. Soon she
hurried down the path to the woods, but then she sniffed at two
buns. She hurried down the path to the woods.

  Why did Mendoza make the computer write those stories? He
explains:
  This work all began when a well-known scientist joined our
physics department. He had spent several years away from academic
life and was able to take a long cool look at academic
procedures. He soon formed the theory that students never learned
any ideas; all they learned was a vocabulary of okay words which
they strung together in arbitrary order, relying on the fact that
an examiner pressed for time would not actually read what they
had written but would scan down the pages looking for these
words. I set out to test his hypothesis.
  I began by writing ``Little Grey Rabbit'' stories. I tested
these stories out on my very small children; but after some
minutes they grew irritable, because nothing actually happened.
This shows that even small children of three can measure entropy.
  Then I altered the vocabulary and grammar ___ making the
sentences all very dead ___ to imitate the style of physics
textbooks. The endpoint came when a colleague at another
university secretly sent me an exam a week before it was given to
the students. I wrote vocabularies and copied down what the
computer emitted. Using a false name, I slipped my paper in among
the genuine ones. Unfortunately, it was marked by a very
conscientious man, who eventually stormed into the Director's
office shouting, ``Who the hell is this man ___ why did we ever
admit him?'' So perhaps my colleague's hypothesis was wrong, and
students are a little better than we think.
  Here's one of the computer's answers:
In electricity, the unit of resistance is defined by
electrolysis; and the unit of charge, which was fixed at the
Cavendish lab in Rayleigh's classic experiments, was measured at
the Cavendish lab. Theoretically, the absolute ohm is defined in
a self-consistent way. The unit of resistance, which was
determined with a coil spinning in a field, was fixed at the
Cavendish lab; and this, by definition, is expressed in
conceptual experiments. Theoretically the absolute ohm, which was
redetermined using combined e.m.u. and e.s.u., is expressed by
the intensity at the center of a coil.
  Here's another of the computer's answers:
  In this country, Soddy considered Planck's hypothesis from a
new angle. Einstein 50 years ago asserted quantisation.
  At a photocathode, electrons which undergo collisions in the
Compton effect as energy packets or quanta are emitted at
definite angles; nevertheless, particles in a photocell produce
photoelectrons of energy hv=E0. Photons in vacuo transmute into
lower frequencies, and light quanta in the Compton effect emit
emission currents.
  Particles emit current proportional to energy; electrons in
vacuo interact with loss of surface energy (work function);
nevertheless, particles which are emitted in a photocell with
conservation experimentally are conserved with energy hv. The
former, at a metal surface, undergo collisions with emission of
current; and at a metal surface, electrons produce emission
currents.
  Einstein assumed the gas of quantum particles; but quite
recently Rayleigh, who quite recently solved the problem in an
old-fashioned way, considered radiation classically. Planck, who
this century assumed the A and B coefficients, explained the gas
of quantum particles but before Sommerfield; Rayleigh, who quite
recently was puzzled on Boltzmann statistics, tackled the problem
with disastrous results.
  Planck, who assumed the gas of quantum particles in 1905, this
century considered the ultraviolet catastrophe; but quite
recently Jeans, who tackled the problem in an old-fashioned way,
was puzzled with disastrous results.
  Black body radiation that exerts thermodynamic forces in an
engine is equivalent to a relativistic system. Out of a black
body, a photon that is equivalent to (out of a black body) an
assembly of photons is assumed to be a non-conservative system;
at the same time, thermodynamically, black body radiation that in
a piston is assumed to be a relativistic system exerts quantised
forces.
  The radiation gas that obeys Wien's displacement law is
considered as a system of energy levels. Quantally, a quantum
particle exerts a Doppler-dependent pressure, although this
produces equilibrium transition probabilities.
  Black body radiation in an engine produces equilibrium
transition probabilities.

          Aerospace (1968)
  In 1968, Raymond Deffrey programmed the computer to write fake
reports about the aerospace industry. Shortly afterwards, I
improved the program. The improved program contains these lists:
Introductory phrases
thus
indeed
however
moreover
similarly
furthermore
for example
in addition
in particular
to some extent
in this regard
on the other hand
for the most part
as a resultant implication
in view of system operation
in respect to specific goals
based in system engineering concepts
utilizing the established hypotheses
based on integral subsystem considerations
considering the postulated interrelationships

Noun phrases
the structural design
the sophisticated hardware
the total system rationale
any discrete configuration made
the fully integrated test program
any associated supporting element
the product configuration baseline
the independent function principle
the preliminary qualification limit
the subsystem compatibility testing
the greater flight-worthiness concept
a constant flow of effective information
the characterization of specific criteria
the anticipated third-generation equipment
initiation of critical subsystem development
the evolution of specifications over a given time
the philosophy of commonality and standardization
the incorporation of additional mission constraints
a consideration of system and/or subsystem technologies
a large portion of the interface coordination communication

Verb phrases
adds explicit performance limits to
effects a significant implementation to
adds overriding performance constraints to
presents extremely interesting challenges to
is further compounded, when taking into account
must utilize and be functionally interwoven with
requires considerable systems analysis to arrive at
necessitates that urgent consideration be applied to
maximizes the probability of success and minimizes time for
recognizes the importance of other systems and necessity for
                                         To produce a typical
sentence, the computer prints an introductory phrase, then a noun
phrase, then a verb phrase, then a noun phrase. The phrases are
chosen randomly.
                                         Each paragraph consists
of six such sentences. The computer isn't allowed to use the same
phrase twice within a paragraph. The introductory phrase is
omitted from the first sentence of the first paragraph, the
second sentence of the second paragraph, etc.; so the report
can't begin with the word furthermore, and the style varies.
                                         Here's the beginning of
one such report:
                               The Economic Considerations of the Aerospace Industry

                                         A large portion of the
interface coordination communication necessitates that urgent
consideration be applied to the product configuration baseline.
For example, the fully integrated test program adds explicit
performance limits to the independent function principle.
Moreover, the sophisticated hardware presents extremely
interesting challenges to the philosophy of commonality and
standardization. In view of system operation, a constant flow of
effective information must utilize and be functionally interwoven
with the preliminary qualification limit. In addition, any
discrete configuration made adds overriding performance
constraints to any associated supporting element. Thus, the
anticipated third-generation equipment maximizes the probability
of success and minimizes time for the total system rationale.

     Me-Books (1972)
  In 1972, Freeman Gosden Jr. started the Me-Books Publishing
Company. It published books for kids. But if you bought a Me-Book
for your child, you wouldn't see in it the traditional names
``Dick, Jane, and Sally''; instead, you'd see the name of your
own child. To order the book, you had to tell the company the
names of all your children, and their friends, and pets. Their
names appeared in the story.
  The story was printed beautifully, in a 32-page hard-covered
book with pictures in color. It cost just $3.95.
  You could choose from four stories: ``My Friendly Giraffe'',
``My Jungle Holiday'', ``My Birthday Land Adventure'', and ``My
Special Christmas''.
  For example, if you lived on Jottings Drive, and your
daughter's name was Shea, and her friend's name was Douglas, the
story ``My Friendly Giraffe'' included paragraphs such as this:
  One morning Shea was playing with Douglas in front of her home.
When she looked up, what do you think she saw walking down the
middle of Jottings Drive? You guessed it. A giraffe!
  Ted Nelson, author of Computer Lib, played a trick. He ordered
a copy of ``My Friendly Giraffe'', but pretended that his child's
name was ``Tricky Dick Nixon'' who lived on ``Pennsylvania Ave.''
in ``Washington''. Sure enough, the company sent him ``My
Friendly Giraffe: A Me-Book for Tricky Dick''. Here are some
excerpts:
  Once upon a time, in a place called Washington, there lived a
little boy named Tricky Dick Nixon. Now, Tricky Dick wasn't just
an ordinary little boy. He had adventures that other little boys
and girls just dream of. This is the story of one of his
adventures. It's the story of the day that Tricky Dick met a
giraffe. . . .
  As the giraffe came closer and closer, Tricky Dick started to
wonder how in the world he was going to look him in the eye. . .
.
  Tricky Dick knew there were no jungles in Washington.
Especially on Pennsylvania Ave. But Tricky Dick wasn't even a
little bit worried. First, because he was a very brave little
boy. And second, because he knew that his friend, the giraffe,
would never take him anyplace bad. . . .
  Tricky Dick was home. Back in Washington. Back on Pennsylvania
Ave. And with a story to tell his friends, that they wouldn't
have believed if they hadn't seen Tricky Dick riding off on the
giraffe's back. Tricky Dick would long be a hero to those who had
seen him that day. . . .
  There would be many other exciting adventures for Tricky Dick
and his friends. And maybe, just maybe, if you're a very good
boy, someday we'll tell you about those, too.
  Me-Books were commercially successful: many thousands of them
were sold. Teachers liked the books, because the books encouraged
students to read: students enjoyed reading books that contained
their own names.
                                          Pornography (1973)
                             I programmed the computer to turn
words into sentences. For example, Judith Ann Abrams fed the
computer this list of words:
Names                              Other nounsTrans. verbsOther
verbs
Adjectives
Exclamations
Barbara                            bastard bite
disapprovebitchy
rats
Buster                             bikini  caress  fall
downcreepy
such language
Clyde                              bitch   castratefly     dead
ugh
Colin                              boat    climb
hesitateenthusiastic
Debbie                             cigaretteenjoy  sing    evil
Ed Shanahan                        creep   kiss    sleep   gaudy
Jeff                               dress   knife   sleepwalkgreen
Keith                              ethanol lick    sneeze  gross
Kerri                              eyelid  pick    vanish  horny
Liz                                fly     pull    walk    insane
Miles                              gamblingrip             juicy
Nicholson 700                      jerk    screw
mixed-up
Norwalk                            knee    shake
monstrous
                                   kneecap take off
multicolored
                                   lip     teach
neurotic
                                   mouth   undo
obscene
                                   navel
paranoid
                                   piece
prickly
                                   pornography
profane
                                   shirt
provocative
                                   stud
repulsive
                                   tongue
sensuous
                                   virgin                  sexual
                                   whiskey sour            sexy
                                   whore                   shiny
                                                           sick
                                                           stimul
ating
                                                           strang
e
                                                           succul
ent
                                                           tasty
                                                           unsett
led
                                                           weird
A transitive verb is an action you can do to an object. For
example, since you can bite and caress an object, bite and caress
are transitive verbs.
                             Here's what the computer printed:
                                    A Sexy, Profane Creep's Tongue
                                 by Judith Ann Abrams and the computer

                             The lip is tasty.
                             Ugh!
                             The mouth is enthusiastic. Does the
gaudy bastard sleepwalk?
                             The tongue's whore caresses the
bikini. When Nicholson 700 is screwing the creepy jerk over a
piece, Jeff is teaching the gambling. Does paranoic Liz hesitate?
Why does the tongue kiss the creep stimulatingly on horny Buster?
                             Undo! Pull the fly repulsively! A
multicolored, enthusiastic cigarette is neurotic. Is a
multicolored, weird dress's navel under the strange bikini? Why
is the obscene dress's cigarette Colin's ethanol? Rats! Why is
the dead, insane, tasty, shiny, knifing creep's bitch unsettled
and strange?
                             Clyde is over Ed Shanahan. Kissing
the bastard, a paranoid ethanol is unsettled. Why is the prickly
kneecap's mouth on the creepy piece? Teaching Norwalk is sneezing
paranoidly and grossly under provocative, shiny Debbie. As a
sexy, walking tongue's virgin takes off the bitchy cigarette over
the profane stud then castrates enthusiastic Mile's lip
paranoidly, the dead, gaudy knee is stimulating and multicolored.
Even though the dead, insane piece licks strangely and neuroticly
in the flying, mixed-up eyelid's knee, the dead, biting, obscene
bikini is on a repulsive mouth's gambling.
                             The pornography is gaudy. Kerri
sleepwalks. Why is the tongue sensuous? Buster is sick. Is Miles
monstrous? Debbie is neurotic and paranoid, when a stimulating
fly picks the navel's jerk under Ed Shanahan. Why is the dress
succulent? Hesitating, a kneecap sleeps and climbs the dead,
bitchy ethanol. As insane Colin's bastard falls down weirdly in a
sensuous dress, green, unsettled Mile's virgin is strange and
sexual.
                             Is the creepy eyelid provocative?
The gambling's whisky sour teaches a navel.
                             Is the gambling evil? The bitch
walks. Is the virgin profane? Why is the navel sick? Is Liz
enthusiastic? Debbie enjoys the creep. Fly! Shaking, green Kerri
pulls weird Colin's fly on a sick navel, then vanishes over
Norwalk.
                             Undo the virgin! While obscene Liz
is juicy and sexual, profane, gaudy Jeff's knee is under a
succulent whore's navel. Tear Keith's lip bitchily and juicily on
sick, weird, multicolored Barbara! Why is Buster insane? The
shirt knifes the bikini. Colin shakes the bitch. The whiskey sour
hesitates over the green jerk. When a tasty tongue's ethanol
walks, Kerri rips the boat and disapproves under enthusiastic
Miles. Such language! Keith sings. Why is Buster bitchy?
                             Notice that the computer turned her
adjectives into adverbs, by adding ly and making other changes.
Gross became grossly, and juicy became juicily. Unfortunately,
the computer's method wasn't perfect: the computer turned
stimulating into stimulatingly (a non-existent word), and turned
neurotic into neuroticly (instead of neurotically).
  It conjugated her verbs. Screw became screwing, and bite became
biting (the computer dropped the e). Lick became licks, and teach
became teaches (the computer added the e after the ch).
  It added 's to her nouns. Jeff became Jeff's. Miles became
Miles's (it should have become Miles').
  For each sentence, the grammar is chosen randomly. The chance
is 10% that the sentence will begin with an exclamation. If the
sentence isn't merely an exclamation, the chance is 18% that the
sentence will be a question.
  If it's a question, there's a 40% chance it will begin with the
word why. There's a 50% chance the main part of the question will
have the form does . . . noun phrase . . . verb phrase, and a 50%
chance it will have this form instead: is . . . noun phrase . . .
complement.
  To construct a noun phrase from nouns, adjectives, etc., the
computer uses random numbers. It uses random numbers to also
construct verb phrases and complements.
  The program uses a special variable, called W. At the beginning
of the composition, W is near zero; but it tends to increase as
the composition progresses. It affects the complexity. When W is
large, the chance is large that the computer will print
adjectives, adverbs, subordinate clauses, and correlative
clauses.
  This sentence was produced by a small W:
The lip is tasty.
This sentence was produced by a large W:
As a sexy, walking tongue's virgin takes off the bitchy cigarette
over the profane stud then castrates enthusiastic Mile's lip
paranoidly, the dead, gaudy knee is stimulating and multicolored.

  Poetic images (1973)
  One of my students, Toby D'Oench, made the computer create
poetic images, such as these:
TO GUINEVERE ___ LADY OF THE LAKE
Silent mists
Billow in creations
Windmills for flames evolve into ethers
  Merlin again

        MY MEMORY
Frozen children
Quiver with leaves
Creations with leaves hover over thoughts
  Gardens of verse

   A NEW ENGLAND BARN
Lazy fragrances
Waft by ethers
Seas on fragrances billow in sorrow
  Rusted pitchforks
                                 NEWPORT
Frozen sails
Slumber in fog
Hazes for sails waft by thoughts
                             Docks ___ yachts ___ luxuries of
eras gone by
                             The program contains these lists:
Adjectives                         PrepositionsVerbs
fleeting                           of      billow in
crimson                            on      glitter with
silent                             under   flutter by
sensate                            above   drift with
pliant                             below   flow into
gloomy                             in      ponder about
pallid                             with    waft by
inky                               by      quiver with
frozen                             for     hover over
lazy                               through gleam like
                                           wander through
                                           slumber in
                                           dart by
                                           evolve into
                                           sing to

Title . . . noun . . . ending
TO REMBRANDT . . . windmills . . . A simple brush
WAITING FOR THE PATIENT . . . ethers . . . Waiting
THE PROPHET . . . visions . . . Then a word
LISTERINE . . . breaths . . . Plastic society
NEWPORT . . . sails . . . Docks ___ yachts ___ luxuries of eras
gone by
EXISTENCE . . . seas . . . In the beginning?
SUMMER IN WATTS . . . flames . . . Tar-street neon ___ and the
night
TO GUINEVERE ___ LADY OF THE LAKE . . . mists . . . Merlin again
NOON IN CALCUTTA . . . hazes . . . Emaciated dark forms strewn
like garbage
WEST HARBOR . . . fog . . . A solitary gull slices through
A NEW ENGLAND BARN . . . fragrances . . . Rusted pitchforks
A CHILD'S MICROSCOPE . . . creations . . . The wonderful amoeba
A GROUP PORTRAIT . . . bundles . . . Christmas
THE MILKY WAY . . . cosmos . . . A gooey mess
TOMBSTONE . . . sorrow . . . Rubbings
LIFE AT THE END OF A BRANCH . . . leaves . . . Swirling to the
ground
SEASHELLS AND THINGS . . . waves . . . Dribble-dribble-dribble
castle
A BEAVER POND . . . reeds . . . Thwack
MY MEMORY . . . children . . . Gardens of verse
EINSTEIN . . . thoughts . . . Somehow through this ___ an
understanding of a superior order
                             To create a poetic image, the
computer fills in this form:
                                 TITLE
Adjective   Noun that goes with the title
Verb   Noun
Noun   Preposition   Noun   Verb   Noun
                             Ending that goes with the title

                                             Curses (1978)
                             Tom Dwyer & Margot Critchfield made
the computer curse you. Here are some of the computer's curses:
May an enraged camel overwhelm your garage.
May an ancient philosopher lay an egg on your dill pickle.
May seven large chickens sing an operatic solo to your love
letters.
                             To invent a curse, the computer
fills in the blanks:
May   _______   ___________   your   ______.
      subject   verb phrase          object
                             The computer uses these words
randomly:
Subjects                                 Verb phrasesObjects
an enraged camel                         send a mash note
tomother-in-law
an ancient philosopher                   get inspiration
frompsychoanalyst
a cocker spaniel                         redecorate  rumpus room
the Eiffel Tower                         become an obsession
offern
a cowardly moose                         make a salt lick out
ofgarage
the silent majority                      buy an interest inlove
letters
the last picture show                    overwhelm   piggy bank
a furious trumpet player                 pour yogurt onhamburger
Miss America                             sing an operatic solo
todill pickle
seven large chickens                     lay an egg onHonda
                             You can find that program on page
152 of their book, BASIC and the Personal Computer.

                 ANALYZE WRITING
  The computer can analyze what humans write.

                 English poetry
  Can the computer analyze English poetry? From 1957 to 1959 at
Cornell University, Stephen Parrish made the computer alphabetize
the words in Matthew Arnold's poetry. Here's an excerpt:
                                                      Page
Line
                                                       in
in
                                                      book
Poem's title   poem
CONSCIOUS
  back with the conscious thrill of shame              181
Isolation Marg  19
  conscious or not of the past                         287  Rugby
Chapel    45
CONSCIOUSNESS
  the last spark of man's consciousness with words     429
Empedocles II   30
  and keep us prisoners of our consciousness           439
Empedocles II  352
CONSECRATE
  Peter his friend with light did consecrate           445
Westmin Abbey   50
CONSECRATES
  which consecrates the ties of blood for these indeed 196  Frag
Antigone   31
CONSECRATION
  won consecration from time                           281
Haworth Church  46
  foreshown thee in thy consecration-hour              446
Westmin Abbey   75
To find out what Matthew Arnold said about love, just look up
LOVE. Such an index is called a concordance.
  That concordance was the first produced by a computer.
Previously, all concordances of poetry were created by hand,
using filing cards. For example, in 1870 a group of researchers
began creating a concordance to Chaucer, by hand. They started at
the letter A. 45 years later, they were only up to the letter H!
  Did the poet Shelley steal ideas from others? Joseph Raben, at
Queens College, believed Shelley borrowed imagery from Milton. To
prove it, in 1964 he made the computer produce concordances to
Shelley's Prometheus Unbound and Milton's Paradise Lost and
compare them. The computer found many similarities between
Shelley and Milton.
  What were Shakespeare's favorite words? In 1971 at Münster
University in Germany, Marvin Spevack fed the computer all the
works of Shakespeare, and made it count how often each word
occurs. Disregarding trivial words such as a and the, the
computer discovered Shakespeare's favorite word was love: he used
it 2,271 times. Next come heart, death, man, life, and hand. He
never used the word hero. In Macbeth, the word good occurs more
often than any other adjective, noun, or adverb, and more often
than most verbs.
  By counting words, other researchers made the computer graph
the rise and fall of themes in a novel.

                American history
  Who wrote the Federalist Papers? Historians knew some of the
papers were by Alexander Hamilton and others by James Madison,
but the authorship of the remaining papers was in dispute.
  In 1964, Mosteller and Wallace made the computer compare the
literary styles of the papers, by counting the frequency of words
such as by, enough, from, to, upon, while, and whilst. It
concluded that all the disputed papers were written by Madison,
not Hamilton.
  The statistical evidence was so high that historians accept the
computer's finding as fact.

                    The Bible
  Can the computer analyze the Bible? In 1951, Texas clergyman
John Ellison made the computer compare 309 Greek manuscripts of
the New Testament. Underneath each word of a standard text, the
computer printed the variants found in other manuscripts. It
classified the manuscripts according to their similarities.
  In 1957, he published a concordance to the Revised Standard
Bible, and a pair of other researchers (Tasman & Busa) indexed
the Dead Sea Scrolls.
                                                     Did the
apostle Paul really write all those marvelous letters attributed
to him in the New Testament? Or were they actually written by
somebody else?
                                                     In 1964,
Scottish clergyman Andrew Morton used the computer to deduce that
Paul didn't write some of those letters.
                                                     All Morton
did was count how often Paul used the Greek word kai in each
sentence. Kai means and. Coming to a conclusion about Biblical
authorship by counting just the word and might seem silly, but
Morton said he analyzed 20 writers of ancient Greek and found
each used kai with a constant frequency. In the ``Pauline''
letters, the frequency of kai varied a lot, implying some of them
were not by Paul.
                                                     Ellison
distrusted Morton's assumption that a man's literary style must
remain constant. He warned: if Morton's method were applied to
the Declaration of Independence and Thomas Jefferson's letters to
his wife, the computer might conclude that either Jefferson
didn't write the Declaration of Independence or another man was
writing love letters to Mrs. Jefferson. In 1965, to prove his
point, he applied Morton's method to two of Morton's own articles
on the subject: the computer concluded that Morton could not be
the author of both!

                                                            Forgery
                                                     IBM
programmed the computer to detect a forged signature ___ even if
the signature looks correct to the naked eye.
                                                     To use the
IBM forgery-detection system, write your signature by using IBM's
special pen, attached to the computer. As you write, the computer
notices how hard you press the pen against the paper and how fast
you move the pen.
                                                     If somebody
else tries to pretend he's you, he must sit down at the machine
and try to duplicate your signature. If he presses the pen
hardest at different points of the signature, or if he
accelerates the pen's motion at different points, the computer
says he's a fake.
                                                     The system
works well, because the average crook trying to forge your
signature will hesitate at the hard parts. His hesitation affects
the pen's pressure and acceleration, which tell the computer he's
faking.
                                                     IBM
developed the system in 1979 but isn't selling it yet. When it
does, remember: the system works just on signatures written with
IBM's pen.

          TRANSLATE RUSSIAN
  Soon after computers were invented, programmers tried to make
them translate Russian into English. They chose Russian instead
of Spanish, for three reasons:
  1. Few humans could translate Russian. Spanish translators were
a-dime-a-dozen.
  2. Computer experts love hard problems. Russian is harder than
Spanish.
  3. Most computers were owned by the Department of Defense,
which is very interested in Russia.

           Early attempts
  In 1954, IBM wrote a program that translated Russian sentences
such as:
Gasoline is prepared by chemical methods from crude oil. The
price of crude oil is determined by the market. The quality of
the crude oil is determined by the calorie content.
  Unfortunately, most Russian sentences are not so simple. During
the 1960's, the end of a Russian paper on space biology was fed
into an advanced program written by Computer Concepts, Inc.
Here's the translation that came out:
Thus, the examination of some from fundamental RADIOBIOLOGICESKIX
problems shows, that in this a field still very much NEREWENNYZ
questions. This is clear, since cosmic RADIOBIOLOGI4 is very
young RAZDELOM young science efforts of scientific different
specialties of the different countries of the world successful
PRODOLJENY will be expanded there are.
The computer couldn't translate the words in capital letters and
was stumped by Russian grammar.
  The competing program, written by the Air Force, translated the
same passage a little better:
Thus, consideration of from basic radio-biological problems shows
that in a given region still very many unsolved questions. This
and intelligibly, since space radiobiology is very young division
of young science ___ space biology. However, is base to trust
that jointly scientists of different specialties of various
countries of world/peace radiobiological investigations in outer
space will be successfully continued and expanded.
  In 1966, a special committee of the National Academy of
Sciences concluded that the experience of computer translation
was ``uniformly discouraging'' and that hiring a human translator
was cheaper than doing the two-step process of computer
translation followed by human editing.
  During the last 20 years, computer prices have fallen, but so
has the availability of Americans who know Russian, so the
computer's usefulness is still in doubt. Today, most translations
are still done by humans, who use computers to help do the word
processing and to search through a dictionary and thesaurus.
                                                   Famous errors
                                         If you program the
computer to translate an English sentence into Russian, and then
the Russian back to English, will you get back the same English
sentence you started with?
                                         One programmer tried,
``The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.'' The computer
translated it into Russian, then back into English, and printed,
``The booze is strong, but the meat is rotten.''
                                         Another programmer
tried, ``Out of sight, out of mind.'' The computer printed,
``Blind idiot.''
                                         At an engineering
conference, a computer was translating scientific papers into
English, when it suddenly started talking about ``water sheep''.
Everyone was confused. Finally they figured it out: the computer
meant hydraulic rams.

                                        Xerox's amazing translation machine
                                         In Moscow during the
1960's, American companies were showing off their products, but
none of the Russians were interested in Xerox's photocopiers ___
until some Xerox employees put on an amazing demonstration. They
``photocopied'' some English writing, and ___ presto! ___ a
beautiful Russian translation of it came out of the machine! The
machine was acting as a translator! And the translation was
flawless, even though the English text was complex!
                                         The Russians were very
excited, and ordered hundreds of the amazing translation machine.
                                         But before shipping the
machines, the Xerox guys confessed it was just a gag. The
employees had sneaked the Russian version into the machine,
before beginning the demonstration.
                                         What if Americans had
the same sense of humor about nuclear war? ``Hello, Gorbachev?
This is George Bush, on the hot line. We just fired some nuclear
missiles. They're heading straight for Moscow. Ha, ha! Just
kidding.''
Verbs
moved
drifted
shone
floated
touched
melted
looked down on
warmed

Verbs
scampered
flew
ran
hurried
sniffed at
peered at
ate
munched and crunched